OVERCOMING A CRISIS

• You find yourself in a constant state of arguing and bickering. 
• You've tried to make your partnership work without professional help and it hasn't worked.
• As a couple, you're facing a decision on an issue where your needs are conflicting and you're unable to find a solution. 
• You used to feel close, but that's changed. You feel isolated in your relationship and the need for physical intimacy remains unmet. 
• You suffer from unresolved attachement injuries and have doubts about the future of your relationship.

TIMING IS IMPORTANT 

Don't wait too long to seek outside help. The more hurt or withdrawal there has been on both sides and the more distance there has been in the relationship, the harder it will be to get out of this rut.

In the worst case scenario, your partner will eventually leave and no longer be willing to work on your relationship. There's no reason to wait until then. 

PREVENTION IS KEY 

The goal is to gain knowledge and insights to prevent recurring conflicts and avoid couple crises altogether. 

GAINING CLARITY

• Do you feel like the relationship is "good enough" and that you "love each other enough" to commit to each other more firmly?
• Do you think your partner is the right person to be the mother/father of your children or to build a nest together?
• Would a separation make the most sense? (See separation counseling)

A SELECTION OF CONFLICT ISSUES AND WAYS TO DEAL WITH THEM:

You no longer want to argue about different views on order, distribution of tasks, and understanding of roles. 

I will show you which issues are actually behind these conflicts and how you can resolve them.

Your sex life used to be better.

I'm here to help you break down barriers and get your sex life back on track.

You want to make relationships in patchwork families less stressful.

I'll help you figure out who's responsible for what and come up with a fair plan for everyone involved.

A child is seriously ill or has passed away. 

I'm here to support you through this tough time. I'll give you the space you need to understand each other's different grieving processes. 

When people experience losses, whether due to illness, moving, unemployment, or children leaving home, it can put a strain on their relationships.

I'll help you work through the feelings triggered by the loss so you can find a new attitude.

Your in-laws, your own parents, or close relatives can make things tough for you and your partner.

I'll work with you to sort out your relationships and come up with solutions that will make your partnership stronger.

The early days of your relationship are over. There's a sense of boredom spreading. 

I'll work with you to come up with some positive activities that'll enrich your relationship.

Sometimes, there are conflicts that just can't be resolved through compromise. They can be pretty destructive, like when one partner wants a child and the other doesn't. 

These conflicts can only be resolved if one side gives in. At the same time, the other person needs to show a lot of appreciation if you want to achieve peace in the long term. I'm here to guide you through this tricky process. 

• In the first meeting,  l'll get to know you and your concerns. This session is also an opportunity for us to see if we can work well together, which is an important part of making sure we can have a successful therapeutic process. 

• If you and your partner are on the same page about what you need to work on and what you want to achieve, we can get to the heart of the matter and start making progress pretty quickly. Even just an initial, intensive discussion can help make your relationship as a couple more satisfying.

• It's not uncommon for couples to have different ideas about what they want to work on and what they want to get out of counseling. Sometimes, the needs even seem to be at odds with each other at first. It's often not clear at first which underlying issues are causing your difficulties. If that's the case, you'll probably need a longer therapeutic process as a couple.

• In the next few sessions, we'll be looking at the main issues and exploring new ways of thinking about them. We're going to focus on understanding how you interact with each other and the underlying issues and emotions that you might not be aware of. You and I will decide together how long the counseling process will last. 

• Just to note, "couple therapy/counseling" isn't a protected term in Germany. That means anyone who thinks they're qualified can call themselves a couple therapist or counselor.

• Over the past few years, I've become familiar with a range of counseling methods. This allows me to combine different methods in an integrative approach that's tailored to your specific relationship problems. This is based on current international research.

• I can also bring to the table the life experience and expertise of a husband who, together with his wife, has overcome many crises over four decades. 

• During the first session you will sense whether we can build a good relationship  with each other. After the initial consultation, you will reflect on whether you leave with new insights and  you want to continue the process with me. 

• Yes, you can. If your partner isn't ready to come to counseling together, you're welcome to come by for an initial consultation on your own. 

• From a systemic perspective, even a single change can trigger a shift in the entire system. It's like gears that mesh together. If one part of the system changes, the whole system changes with it. 

• After the conversation, we decide whether it makes sense to continue the counseling process without the partner. 

What are the chances of couple therapy working? Studies have shown that couple therapy works. The key things to look at are:

• Alliance: The more we can trust each other and work together, the more successful the therapy will be. 

• Authenticity: The more truthful and authentic you are in couple counseling, the more I can help you. For instance, if you keep secrets about extramarital affairs, there's only about a 20% chance that your relationship will still be around in five years. Lies and silence can ruin a relationship

• Feelings: The more new emotional experiences you and your partner have together during each session, the more likely you are to improve your relationship.

• Willingness. If you're willing to avoid destructive, stressful behaviors and engage in relationship-enhancing activities between sessions, couple counseling will be more successful for you.

• Sexual infidelity often leads to great upheaval in a couple's relationship and to a clear asymmetry: one partner is the perpetrator, the other is the betrayedI. It's important to acknowledge this situation and resolve it. The perpetrator-victim dynamic is the enemy of your relationship.

• Research shows us that around two-fifths of couples break up within five years if one partner has an external relationship. I'm here to help you work through your partner's infidelity in a way that allows you to continue living together as a couple. This means you both need to be willing to put in a lot of effort and to be honest with each other. If a couple is hiding current relationships or affairs during counseling, there's a good chance they'll separate within the next five years. But if you overcome the crisis caused by the infidelity, there's a good chance you'll be able to live well together.

• It's also worth noting that infidelity can involve more than just sexual infidelity. If a partner is spending most of their time and energy at work, rather than focusing on the partnership, they're being unfaithful to their commitment to also take care of their partnership, household, and children. 

• It can be tough to decide whether it's better to separate. It looks like the romantic relationship is over, but there's still a chance it could be saved. 

• There are a lot of reasons to stay together. For one, your kids will suffer. You'll also have to sell the house, and you probably don't want to live alone. There are plenty of reasons to stick with your current partner, even if you're not happy. There are also plenty of reasons to go your separate ways.

• I'll help you figure things out and work through your emotions. These will guide you above all, not just your clever thoughts.

• Every partnership has its fair share of conflict. It's important to learn how to handle conflicts and which ones you can and can't resolve. It often takes years for both partners to realize that they can't overcome deep rifts and that it's better to separate. In this case, I can help with separation counseling. The goal is to separate fairly and with minimal damage.